Hugs!
by Anna Tramell
Summary: Harry decides to give Voldemort a little gag gift for Christmas. A little gift that does... unimaginable things... SEQUEL AVAILABLE!


**Title**: Hugs

**Summary**: Harry decides to give Voldemort a little gag gift for Christmas. SEQUEL AVAILABLE!

**Disclaimer**: The technology in this is real. I swears it. I read it in the June 2007 Reader's Digest which I found like five minutes ago and it's on page 216. Goes to show that I'm not the only huggle whore…

**A/N**: OMG… my grandmother's computer is an author's little dream. Like… whoa… ANYWAYS yes, this little idea comes from Reader's Digest which I randomly steal from my wonderful grandmother and read… the jokes are funny… and once in awhile you see cool stuff… anyway…

-x- Begin Drug -x-

"Oh mai gawd!" Ron screamed, "OMG OMG OMG!"

"Ron… can't you at least spell your lines correctly?" Hermione sighed heavily, as she grabbed an eraser.

"What is it?" Harry asked, grinning up from his cell phone.

"I found… the perfect gift of ALL TIME!" He shouted. "AND IT'S THIS!" He held up a large, padded shirt that looked like a cozy strait jacket.

"For who?" Hermione asked timidly.

"I have no idea," Ron said, hugging the shirt. "But it's the coolest thing to come into the muggle world!!"

"What IS it?" Harry asked, yet again.

"Heh…" Ron displayed the shirt tag.

"That's $300!" Hermione exclaimed.

Harry grinned and held up a silvery green one. "I think I'll buy one for Voldemort." Hermione gasped.

Ron plucked at the sleeve of a maroon colour. "C-Could you get me one, too?"

"Ron!"

"I'll never ask for another gift from Harry ever, ever again!" He pouted. "I just think this is the coolest thing that I've ever seen!" He got on his hands and knees and started to beg.

"Okay, okay and I'll get one for you, too, 'Mione."

She blushed. "Erm… thank you, but-"

Harry nodded and held up a white and purple styled for her and then he pulled out an emerald green one just for himself. "Gods… four of these and it's gonna be two thousand dollars!" He pulled out a credit card. "Christmas for everyone… YAY PLASTIC!"

Now to wrap it…

-x-

Harry struggled for over an hour before Hermione handed her best friend a box to wrap it in which he still struggled with. "Just use your wand," she sighed.

"Now… I need Voldemort's cell phone number…" Harry sighed.

"You… what? Why?" Hermione's eyes went round. "Oh, Harry, are you seriously-"

"I am," he said happily. "I think it's just what the man needs."

"Maybe you shouldn't…"

"Oh, 'Mione, what could go wrong?"

-x-

There's something called a phone book in the muggle world. In the wizarding world, it's just the same, except it updates on its own… and you don't have to search… Anyways, Hermione kept one in her purse and pulled it out.

"You, um, you have to say the spell and then the name," Hermione said quietly, who feared her life if Harry was in the mood for provoking dark lords.

"Give me Voldemort's cell phone number, oh wise number man," whispered Harry, pointing at the book. It sprung upon and high-lighted in acid-green ink: 626-7639.

Harry smiled fiendishly and scribbled it down. "Well, 'Mione, we're good to go."

-x- Christmas -x-

"Hey! Hey!" Lucius ran up with a large box and held it up to Voldemort. "My lord! Someone sent you a gift! (I bet it's from a secret admirer)" He giggled and plopped it in Voldy's happy lap.

"Oh goodie, I bet it's from Bellatrix!"

Bella cleared her throat from the man's feet. "Erm… my gift comes later."

"Ah…" He smiled, being in a very pleasant mood. "Then I have a fan out there. Ho-hum." He ripped the pretty paper Harry slaved over into shreds and held up the darkly shirt.

"Oh! It compliments your red eyes!" Lucius beamed. "Put it on, put it on, put in on!"

Voldy, who doesn't['t mind stripping, took off his warm sweater and then replaced it with the shirt. "I like it… it seems to make me look threatening."

"It does!" chirped Lucius, always the one to please his master in unshameful praises.

"And now, I think we shall drink."

-x-

"About this time," Harry said happily, "Voldemort should have opened and put it in." He was wearing his own and looking breathless at his prank. "So… count of three?"

Ron grinned happily and began to count… loudly. "Three! Two! One!"

Harry embraced himself hard and grinning. He then hurried and punched Voldemort's number into his own phone and then grabbed up his omniculars to stare into Riddle's Mansion.

The Dark Lord sat on his throne, looking slightly tired as it was sometime close to dawn and then… the very oddest expression came across his features. He grabbed at his chest and looked around wildly. When he coughed and settled once more, his startled Death Eaters went back to their partying.

Harry hugged himself again and repeated the number call.

This time Voldemort jumped straight out of the chair.

Lucius Malfoy, looking concerned, jumped out of his cage ((lord, don't ask XD)) and was turning around and around the man. He pointed to the shirt.

Giggling, Ron started to hug himself and typed in the number printed in clear ink that Hermione held, a look of pure terror on her face.

"We… we shouldn't send hugs to-to him," She whispered, fretfully. "HARRY! WE'VE GOT TO RUN!! NOW!!!" She burst.

"But look at him," Harry laughed, hugging himself.

"He's going to figure it out," Hermione said faintly.

"Oh, please, he can't even tie his shoes. Malfoy's dad always laces them up, remember?" He was referring to a time they had decided to spy on the dark lord previously.

Voldemort began plucking at the fabric around him.

Lucius was pointing down at his waist where his cell phone was vibrating madly. He lifted it and read the number on the screen.

"OMG!" Hermione shrieked. "HE KNOWS!"

Harry and Ron, bestest friends of all time, weren't listening. "Now, let's go for a double-hug!"

"YOU TWO!!! LOOK!!!"

"WE ARE!" they giggled.

"H-He's calling…"

Harry's phone, indeed began to sing the can-can. They stared at it warily and then turned attention back to the large omniculars.

"H-He poked me," Ron whispered.

"He's violating ME," Harry yelled, trying to get the shirt off. Alas, it did not budge. "HERMIONE! HELP!"

"He found the instruction manual," she whispered. "Oh gods, we're screwed."

"He knows it's a Hug Shirt?!" Ron screamed in panic.

"He knows…" The girl couldn't move, frozen in place.

"But we doesn't know who it's from…" Harry panted, as he tried to take his own off still.

But then they all grew wide-eyed. Because they remembered a little something called…

Caller ID.

-x- X -x- Owari -x- X -x-

Find the sequel "Hugs II" under my favourite love slave's works -meikouhaikitsune

_Now, what they had was called a Hug Shirt. I'm being absolutely serious. You wear it and hug yourself and with blue-tooth technology it sends the data ("hug pressure, skin temperature, heart rate, and length of hug") which is sent to the receiver's phone and relayed into an actual hug. If you don't believe me, it's supposed to be on cutecircuitDOTcom._

_Now, for Voldemort's number. If you spell the little letters out, it should say man-smex. Hehe._

_Wellll please read and review and make it seem like I wasn't really wasting my time…_

_**This fic has been fully corrected as of 18 June 2009!**_


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